martyfartywarty

I just finished cleaning up my email files at work as today is my last day, working in a sponsor company for my IT3. Ironically, my first day and today felt exactly the same, despite the 6 months period in between. I didn’t feel comfortable with my colleagues, just like I first met them, and I didn’t feel that they are going to miss me much either. Just like strangers who always sat around them but have no relationships, they probably wouldn’t find my absence much of a difference.

Good on them then, they shouldn’t be feeling sad because I am not worth it. I’m feeling a little bit sad but yet indifferent about leaving the place. It is just that I didn’t do what I think I should have done. Six months is a long time to be stuck on a desk doing nothing much than surfing the net (ok maybe I’m exaggerating a little), but yet it was short enough to make me unstirred about whatever had happened and was happening. Until now, until it is too late to make a change.

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my face progression in IT

There are several causes to this that I can see on my perfect hindsight. As usual, I stuffed myself with too much things to do, without realising that I am very unorganised. I mean, I have known that all along, but I never thought about it properly. For the session that has just passed, I have a 9 to 5 job every day. Nonetheless I took a job as a lab supervisor for 2 classes at uni. I have a course on Wednesday and that goes from 6-9pm, and I was also doing Thesis A throughout the session. On top of everything, I took a president position in BITSA, a student organisation for the degree that I am doing. Just the contact hours are enough to make me tired most of the nights and to sleep extremely well, but the worse part was that I couldn’t discipline myself enough to do all my homework on the weekend.

It all went kaboom when recruitment hit me. Suddenly I had to fill in so many application forms, despite the fact that they were all asking exactly what I had listed on my resume. Cover letter was a biatch and I hated making them. Luckily I didn’t have to go through many assessment centres, thanks for going through a scholarship degree that has been well known and established since 1989. I did, however, have to go through quite a fair bit of interviews. Each of them may only take an hour or so, but I still have to prepare for them hours before hand. After the interviews, usually I felt so anxious too.

By the time I managed to score a job, things at work had started changing. I then had taken a fair few days off here and there. My colleagues were starting to doubt my reliability of being in the office everyday, and because of that, what started from not having that many jobs, turned out to be worse. At the same time, uni work had gotten a lot busier because it was getting closer to exam time. Assignment was due, thesis proposal was looming. I thought “Screw this, I didn’t sleep much last night doing assignments and yet here I am at work not doing any much useful”. So I started adding more “work” into work. I was more productive in my overall game, but my work commitment gradually fell through the roof.

I chatted less to my colleagues and went out less with them. Our usual conversations were not there anymore, and I gave up on trying to be a better employee. I waited until today come.

And it has, but it isn’t a day that I can look back and said that I am satisfied with myself.

1. http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1018480 [↩]

It’s been a while since my last entry. I will blame everything on assignments. There was one due today, and there are more coming :(

On another note, I’ve been listening to Natasha Bedingfield’s new album: NB. Check out Pirate Bones, Soulmate and Say It Again if you have time. The melodies are nice and the lyrics not too bad, even thought I would like to have more depth on the latter two songs. In this album, she was a young woman who were focused on her love life in the midst of busy life style. Expect a lot of strengths and determination in the songs. Pirate Bones is excellent :D
Click here to go to Natasha’s myspace. Sadly Pirate Bones is not there, but Say It Again and Soulmate are.

I thought because it has been a while, I will also do several updates from entries in the past:

my work @ the Bank: my manager finally get the idea and started to open some doors for me. My work is now getting enjoyable. It feels so much better when I look at my pile of work (that has now exists) to chose which one that I can do at the time, instead of thinking ‘ah, only have one work to do, and I have a full day work tomorrow. Should spare it for the future…’. I have proven that whinging is not a waste of time, as long as you whinge to the right person. In hindsight, if I have whinge more to my manager instead of other people, I might have gotten to where I am now much faster.

skin picking: even after frequent critiques from both Stef and Minie, I am still not able to stop it. Help >.< I now managed to hold until my fingers recover a bit more, but the biggest challenge is to not pick on the recovering skin because it’s thicker, and juicier…, and yummier =S

wisdom teeth: it is so naive of me to think that I could have the operation at week 10 uni calendar, which was about 3 weeks ago. I couldn’t even get any appointment with the dental surgeon until Nov 7th! That’s about a month waiting in the line.

More updates to come :)

You’re the most perfect yet, most definitely that I’ve met … ~ Natasha Bedingfield in Say It Again.

When I was in high school, forgetting to bring my lunch was a daily event. Sometimes, I forgot my watch and on a rarer event, I would forget my mobile. I didn’t just leave those occuring incidents alone, I tried to make checklist so that I wouldn’t forget anything. It worked for a day or two, but then I realised that the adversary in my brain made me forget about the checklist and I forgot even more things…

At present, things happen more randomly but it seems that this week I have had a streak of memory losses. On Sunday, I forgot to bring my work’s papers and books. On Monday, I forgot that I have forgotten the papers and the books at my house. I thought I left it at Minie’s place. On Tuesday, I left my ***mighty electric toothbrush*** which forced me to use the traditional toothbrush again today, sad.

Today was even worse! I remember to bring everything except one important thing. I even checked my to-do list in my mobile to make sure I didn’t make the usual mistake. I brought my camera, my harddisk, my mobile, my work papers & books, my reading papers, my lip gloss, my eye liner, my moisturiser, etc etc. The list goes on, except one: my wallet. It struck me horribly when I was about to get the usual travel ten out in the bus.

Now I am surviving the day with Stef’s $20 (Stef was luckily with me). The wallet is not something that I need for today thankfully, but I am desperately trying to install more memory to my head. The question is: how? :(